Nekked Lizard Adventures

Memories of a survivor

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I was accepted as a volunteer member of our county's search and rescue team. I got the patch and a pager. I also received a nickname "speed-racer" for which I won't explain just yet, but will give a hint - most (I think all) of the tickets are over three years old now.

Now I have to get a "24-hour" pack together, which will hold essential survival items: rope, matches, basic first aid kit, compass, etc. Due to my previous affiliation with the AF and the survival program therein, I still had some leftover supplies. I found some of the stuff in the barn under a tarp in a beat up box, still wrapped up with duct tape.

As I opened it, memories and pain, agony, sweat, bugs, chills, near drownings, scorpions stings, falling out of trees and waking to the rumbling of an oncoming tank in the early morning hours - came flooding back. Coffee can be filtered through a sock (worn no more than two days of course).

Need more? I made a perfect free-fall jump out of a perfectly good airplane. I tripped and fell out the door on the second jump. I was pushed out of a helicopter. I stepped on a Copperhead while trying to "escape and evade" - and it bit my boot (I let him live). I stuck a live flare to the side of my raft in the Gulf of Mexico and sank. I accidentally left underwear somewhere on a mountain in eastern Washington State - well, not accidentally. Large black ants taste like lemon drops. Gophers tastes like freezer-burned meat left out for a few days. A small fish can make you trip and fall into a cold river. Deserts are awfully hot in the summer. There is very little to do in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.

After a few weeks of trudging through the woods with your survival buddies, your nose loses its sense of smell. No baths are needed. However, once you return to civilization others within a certain distance believe you are the swamp thing running point through a muddy Texas stockyard on a hot and humid day.

So as I gather my supplies that span the 20+ years, I think about these things and think, "how did I ever survive?" Well, I must have been good or lucky. So I will attempt fate again. And I hope to share more stories at a later date. I may even expand on some of the above. NLM

It's official

I have met the board and under intense pressure, they gave in. After I was interviewed, they voted and I am NOW a full member of the Fremont Search & Rescue team. I got a pager and a really cool patch to put on a blaze, way-bright orange shirt. I will let you know if there are any official searches. Just in case you missed the patch a few days ago, here is another.

Classes start again.

As it stands, I can't graduate by just completing two very hard classes. The university contends it will mean more if I take another eight or so. I have considered asking if I could just send them a check for the full tuition amount and they send me a diploma - I would even frame it myself. However, that kinda throws in the integrity issue, doesn't it?

So here I am - Sept 2nd and beginning "Research and Evaluation Methods" which I can't imagine being very fun or easy - two things I enjoy the most. I think it will be hard and time-consuming - two things I like the least. So I will whine for the next 7 weeks - just so you know. Here are the three books - used for $208.

 

Well, wish me luck. .... NLM

What Was Your Obstetrician Dancing to...?

...when you were born? Here's a link to a website that - once you put in your birth date - will tell you what the #1 song was playing when you came into this world. I would be very interested to find out what was playing during the conception process as well. That might have more meaning - and more reason....

Birthday Song

Oh, and once you find out, comment and let me know... Thanks. NLM

Nekked Lizard Man for President 08' - Why Not Me?

Please allow me to thank my loyal readers and those that will soon be. My campaign platform is simple, "Why Not Me?" Please click on this link and watch the video of my latest exploits and run for public office (be sure sure to press play once it buffers).

I don't propose to have any followers or supporters. Cults sound too dark and I am not color-coordinated to flash gang signs or symbols. How about we all meet at the Nekked Lizard Ranch and sit around the campfire and discuss what was - whether good or bad... and how things should be. Pass it along. NLM

Happy Birthday to the littlest lizard!

There can never be enough birthdays for those whose eyes are bright and excitable. The world's problems have not tainted the young. The rigors of daily life or worries that stress us as adults are not a concept in the minds of babes. They see things new every day. They find their feet and toes for the very first time and attempt to conceptualize what they are. Sights, sounds, tastes hold a unique wonder we have lost as we grew older.

Hatch - our grandson - recently celebrated his 1st birthday in this mixed-up world, but he is oblivious to its drama. Cake and ice cream is the customary food - ah yes, the sugar high. It is always best to have a toddler's birthday celebration in the early afternoon. I am thinking he should wash it down with an espresso.

Notice there are no utensils anywhere in the pictures. Also notice how clean everything is... or so we hope...

Sometimes when the mouth is full, it is best to store the excess on top of the head for quick and easy access. I think teal blue is his color.

 

I suggest we all go back to a simpler life - go out to eat at a restaurant and do away with manners and protocols. We should take back our wonderment and discard the forks. Stuff ourselves with cake and laugh. Happy Birthday Hatch.

A certified tracker?

A few days ago, I announced I was a certified tracker. “What, pray tell, does that mean, oh humble Lizard Man?” A scout? (no) A Geo? (haha) A bounty hunter? (I wish).  I am now trained to hunt and secure certain individuals and bring them home by the advents of radio waves and technology. I suppose I will explain this as you knew I would. It’s what you expect – it’s what I do.

Background: Last October 2007 here in southern Colorado, a tragic story unfolded and made national news. A retired Air Force colonel left his home on September 24th, with his two golden retriever companions and never returned. He had previously been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s (a cognitive disorder originally described in 1907 by German psychiatrist Alois Alzheimer) and his progressive loss of memory eventually killed him. (Story here).

A massive manhunt involving several counties and hundreds of volunteers came up short and the search was called off. A hunter later found Col. Larsen just 10 miles from his home just almost a month later – with his two faithful dogs still at his side. Those on the scene described the dogs as worn and hungry but stood guard over their master.

The inability to find Col Larsen opened a door for others with the debilitating disease. Our county became proactive in a program currently being utilized in 42 of our United States. “Project Lifesaver” is a specialized rescue operation that responds to incidents involving victims of Alzheimer’s – those who wander from home, become lost or otherwise are not where they should be or accounted for.

Here are some statistics:

• If an Alzheimer’s patient is not found within 24 hours, their chance of survival is less than 50%.
• 10% of the US population over the age of 65 have Alzheimer’s.
• 50% over the age of 85 have it.
• It is estimated that 4,800,000 living in the US have the disease
• 59% of that 5 million will wander.
• 72% of that 59% will wander repeatedly
• By the year 2030, 15,000, 000 Americans will have the disease

This is where I come in as a volunteer with the Search & Rescue group. Through the Sheriff’s Office, six of us took a two-day course (over the weekend I might add) in which we learned of Project Lifesaver International and CareTrak. The basics are that the Alzheimer’s patient (once identified) is issued a transmitter and battery resembling a watch but much harder to take off. Each transmitter has a different frequency and is documented.

If a caregiver/family member reports the patient is missing, an immediate call is given to those who are trained in “tracking” this transmitter with a receiver unit.

We were given the basics and several scenarios throughout both days. The last two involved a hide and seek – where the deputy went out and wandered our town, and we had to find him. We did, in under an hour each time…

There is so much more about this disease that we need to be educated on. If you know of someone with this disease, look into the local law enforcement agencies and ask if they are familiar with either Project Lifesaver or CareTrak. Chances are good they will be able to help you. If you happened to be in Colorado, then I might be able to help you as well.

It’s just the kind of person I am … NLM

The DNC making its mark in Denver....

Licking brings back memories

It was a time when you licked a lot of stuff because spit was a good thing. Not so long ago, you had prepare your saliva glands for postage stamps and though they were normally an inch square, your tongue became taxed after twenty or so. This was especially true just before Christmas when the Christmas cards went out. If you knew a lot of people, you had to enlist the help of your entire family. Not just for the stamps, but for the envelopes as well. Very few things would self-adhere back in those days. Imagine all of the different DNA spit making its rounds throughout the country just after Thanksgiving!

Licking was also a favorite pastime concerning the S & H Green Stamp craze - many of you remember. If you decided your family needed food or gas, depending on how much you spent, the cashier would dial up the magic doodad and out spit (hahah) those stamps that would see you to the merchandise glory land.

 

Of course there were several ways you could get merchandise for "free" back then. You could open an account at a bank and get a toaster. Many couples (normally man and woman) would even get married and have "showers" meaning the household goods would come pouring in. You could have babies (normally after a man and woman got married first) and again, you could be showered with baby-related stuff. I don't think it worked as well the second time. Most people were only pretty excited about the first time. Well, after that, the only way to go was to buy stuff and save these little gems of green!

"But Nekked Lizard Dude, where do I keep them so that they are not lost and forever gone?" This is where more licking takes place. Not only did you get the nifty stamps, but you also received for your convenience and... at no additional cost to you - a Super Saver Book! Considering how many stamps you had to affix inside this book, there was a ton of dry spit attached, making the book itself weight a ton plus the green paper it was attached to! If there was only one family member assigned to do the licking, that was probably slightly more sanitary than the whole family sitting around after dinner licking and stamping their books. 

 

I don't know when the exact date the S&H Green-Stamps left our lives. I am sure it was a sad one. I am pretty sure we still had a few books lying around with the hopes of getting some super duper appliance that would make our household chores a breeze. Maybe the stamps gave way to coupons. Maybe they gave way to a society who no longer had the spit. I doubt those days will ever come back, but I can do my part and share with my kids the joy of a pastime full of stickiness and bringing up mouthfuls of saliva at will. Licking stuff was a good thing.

I am now a certified tracker

I will explain more later. The storms are rolling in and the lightning might decide to mess with my power.  Here is a hint.